The Dark Side of the Sun

The sun issued an intellectual property disclaimer for her light to all the plants in the garden:

“The photons provided by the sunlight may not be synthesised, reproduced or changed in any way without the written consent of the sun. Excitement of electrons is not guaranteed and may be interrupted by eclipses, clouds or volcanic ash without prior warning. Any oxygen produced as a result of unauthorised photon interference will be the sole property of the sun and its associates, the moon and the other stars in the galaxy.”

Representing the plants in a class action against the sun, plant lawyer Rosie Dill QC made the following statement: “your honour, the only crime committed here by my client, is the crime of altruism. Producing oxygen from water for the benefit of all living creatures is not a crime. Furthermore, we have here a clear case of photon monopoly by the sun and her associates, who wish to deprive my client from the photosynthesis they are entitled to as plants in a free garden. These photons have been in the public domain since emitted by the sun many light years ago. This is not just a case of depriving excitement from innocent electrons, it is an ugly display of greed and misuse of plant trust using the dark corners of intellectual property law. I think the jury would agree that corruption eclipsed this sun today.”

Leading the defence team for the sun, Mr Molten Helium QC made the closing statement in the trial: “your honour, we heard from the plants today, and the jury will make up their mind. But the evidence is clear. Photons are a finite resource. Gas and metals are working around the clock and beyond, in extreme conditions, to provide life essential heat and light. Without their hard work, a giant black hole will form and swallow the galaxy. In the best interest of plants and all other life forms, photons must remain strictly regulated and rationed, and the sun, given its long history and expertise, is best placed to continue to play this vital role in our community”.

The verdict:

“Your honour, the jury have considered the evidence and statements made by both parties. In light of the strong desire expressed by the plants for life to continue, there is a case for photons exploitation to remain in the public realm. However, as the sun is the only source of light in this constellation, plants must adhere to guidelines and safety precautions issued by the sun from time to time, and ensure that only electrons that are experiencing the disparity of being in lower states, may be excited to assist with the process of photosynthesis. As we saw, over excitement of electrons have resulted in uncontrollable chaos and the loss of many plants in the past. Therefore, the jury have deliberated that royalties from unused photons must continue to be made available through deflection and scattering of the light in all directions, so that visible colour could continue to exist, not just for plants, but for all other living and inanimate objects equally”.

Broccoli in April. Cradoc, Tasmania 2021

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